Just Like I Am

I woke up early this morning with an overwhelming attitude of gratitude.  I think that I woke up feeling renewed because God gave me a glorious day of sunshine and warmth yesterday so I could go outside and talk to my relatives at a socially acceptable distance.  I sat in the connecting back yard with my aunt, uncle, and cousins, each of us respectful of the distance we need to keep from each other.  The conversation was refreshingly "normal" in these abnormal times.  I couldn't help but think how lucky I am to have an extended family who loves me just like I am.

I am grateful for my daughters who love me enough to stay away from me since they are essential workers.  Each day, a couple of times a day, we face time to keep in touch.  It's not the same as hugging them but it's the best we have right now.  My youngest daughter and her wife buy me groceries every week so I don't have to go out to the grocery stores.  I stay 6 feet away while they bring my groceries into my house and put them away.  I am so grateful of the young women they have grown up to be and I'm so blessed that they love me just as I am.

I am grateful for my brother and his family.  They are always checking on me to see how I'm doing and if I need anything.  On Easter, my sister-in-law cooked dinner and we all ate outside keeping our distance.  I was more then grateful because it was a little cold outside and the weather threatened rain but they chose to eat in "uncomfortable" weather just so they could have the holiday with me.  The whole situation brought tears to my eyes when I got home because they didn't have to do that - they wanted to do that.  I am so grateful because they love me just as I am.  

I woke up grateful that I have two Doberman Pinschers who think I'm the best thing since sliced bread.  Each morning they greet me with tails wagging and precious kisses.  My male Dobie likes to press his head (which has some weight to it) against my leg letting me know he is there and happy to see me; my female nudges my hand with her head to make me pet her.  Maybe they like me so much in the morning because I feed them, but I like to think they love me just like I am.

I am grateful for friends who want to "Zoom" with me weekly just so we can stay in touch.  We live in different states and we were all suppose to meet up at the end of April to have some fun and fellowship in Colorado but the Covid-19 virus stopped that so we all talk on Zoom every week.  Each of us has our own cheese, crackers and wine and we share the moment with each other.  It still amazes me that I have people in my life who are not related yet still love me just like I am.

These are but a few things I am grateful for but mostly I am grateful for God who gives me life each day.  I am grateful that at this moment I am happy and healthy.  I am grateful that my children, my immediate family and my extended family are healthy and free from Covid-19 symptoms.  I am grateful for the air that I breathe and the yellow flowers that are growing in my yard.  I am grateful for the trees that are outside of my window and the birds that serenade me each morning.  All these things are given to me from God but no gift is more precious than the fact that He loves me just like I am.

Attitude of Gratitude

This morning I woke up rather blah feeling.  I brushed my teeth, ran a brush through my hair and looked at myself in the mirror.  (Insert silent scream here).  I shuffled into the kitchen to make myself my morning tea.  I sighed heavily as my thoughts drifted to my youngest daughter and the pain and hurt she is feeling right now.  "Why?  What did I do that was so terrible?  Why do I feel so unimportant?"  My daughter's words echoed in my mind over and over.  I wanted to scream out, "You didn't do anything wrong" but I remained silent in my opinions and just held her and told her I loved her and I thought she was very special.  I closed my eyes and asked my Higher Power to place his loving arms around her.    The microwave beeped informing me my tea was complete.  My fingers encircled the steaming hot cup warming my hands; the steam from the tea drifting up to warm my face.  My heart remained heavy.

I sat down on the couch in my living room.  My Dobie, sensing that I was feeling low, came over and placed his head in my lap.  I smiled down at him and patted the top of his head; tears welling up in my eyes.  I took a deep breath and started to pray and meditate.  Fifteen minutes later I stopped,  thinking, "this is futile."  I picked up my Al-Anon books and read the pages for today.  One of the pages was on gratitude.  Really?  Gratitude?  I began meditating on gratitude unknowingly; begrudgingly even.  "What do I have to be grateful for this morning?"  Nothing!  I have a daughter whose heart is breaking...... and then I stopped feeling sorry for myself.  The things I had to be grateful for came slowly at first and then they rushed in.  I looked down at my Dobie knowing he was one of the things I can be grateful for.  This morning, I offer you my alphabetical list of gratitude.

A is for Amy, B is for Bill, C is for Caring friends, D is for Dad, E is for Evening when I can rest my weary mind, F is for Felicia, G is Gratitude (that my Higher Power gave me this morning), H is for Helen, I is for Icing, J is for July (the month of my birth), K is for Kisses, L is for Laughter, M is for Mom, N is for good Neighbors, O is for Open Minds, P is for Prayer, Q is for Quiet time, R is for Rory, S is for Sara, T is for Troubled times that I can grow through, U is for Undying love that my Higher Power has for me, V is for Victory (knowing I don't have to fight the fight), W is for Wealth (and not the monetary kind), X is for Xander, and  Z is for a Zest for life that hasn't been in my all my life.

Thank You for the Painting

This morning I was in absolute awe of the painting left in the sky for me by my Higher Power.  The colors were the prettiest shades of red and pink mixed with a subtle purple perfectly accented by the bare winter trees reaching their naked branches towards the sky in some sort of silent offering.  The sky was perfectly painted.  I  vacillated between wanting to keep starring at the perfect picture and wanting to break my gaze by running to get my camera to make the Kodak moment last forever.  Although I wish I had a picture of the way my day started, I'm glad that I didn't break my trance from the site before me.  I will have to keep this sunrise inside the Kodak of my mind's eye.  Sometimes remembering things the exact way we experienced them is better than a photo.....sometimes.