My youngest daughter's relationship with her significant other is on the rocks. While I have my opinions on why this is happening and what she should do; I can not express them. My motives in expressing my opinions would be strictly selfish. If she did what "I" wanted her to do; it would serve only to ease my discomfort and not hers. One of the many things I have learned in Al-Anon is that no matter what we think may or may not be right in any situation; it is the person directly involved that has to be the one to do what is right for them. It is them that has to live with the consequences of their actions.
Not to long ago, I would have taken over the situation in my attempt to fix things and make everyone feel all right. I would have been specific in my recommendations and when things did not go as I planned I would have had to take responsibility for the mess that I created. Such a heavy burden to carry; not only for the person I encouraged to do things my way but for me as well. When I arranged everybody's life, I stripped them of their dignity to handle things in their way. I prolonged the inevitable pain that everyone must go through to grow into the productive, compassionate people that our Higher Power wants us to be.
My daughter's heart is breaking and so is mine. I wish I could take all the pain and discomfort away from her that she is feeling right now but I know that I can not. Even if I could take away the pain, should I? Would that strip her from growing into the person she will be by going through this tough time in her life? For me, this is another situation where I am truly powerless. Yes, it still hurts that I can't fix things but I never could and today I realize that stark cold fact.